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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23814730">growing pains</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/anandrew/pseuds/anandrew'>anandrew</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stardew Valley (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Family, Family Feels, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, i had a lot to say so i finally just said it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:22:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,835</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23814730</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/anandrew/pseuds/anandrew</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian contemplates his father figures as he and the farmer get closer to adoption. Sebastian is trans male, as written by me on awastelandheart(tumblr) Izzy is cis female as written by my friend on direchange(tumblr). all headcanons are mine!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sebastian/Female Player (Stardew Valley)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>growing pains</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>there have been only a couple father figures in Sebastian’s life, when he actually thinks about it (which he is now prompted to do, as the adoption search starts hitting as reality rather than a far-off dream). what did he know about being a father?   jack shit, obviously   --   so who could he turn to for help?<br/>
Demetrius was immediately out of the question. while he may have been seen as a good father to Maru, and even if their relationship had become less strained in the last final months he had lived in that tomb of a house (which he’ll attribute to Izzy elevating his mood), the scientist had never done him a favor   --   and Sebastian is well aware of the honor it’d misplace if he turned to him now for advice.<br/>
he could, of course, just rely on his mother’s input but he had been pushing for her and Izzy to get closer   --   mother’s intuition or whatever. it felt more natural, somehow, for those two to be rubbing elbows. it’d be almost emasculating, he thinks, to curate a mother’s understanding of parenthood when he’s supposed to be the father figure.<br/>
who else then ...<br/>
though he had grown up alongside Abigail, Pierre had seemed as distant to her as Demetrius had been to him. it made them wonder sometimes, but at the end of the day, the shop-keep was maybe the last on Sebastian’s list to consult.<br/>
in a similar vein and yet on the other, more positive hand, Sebastian remembers a time when Kent, Sam’s father, had been someone he looked up to   --   not to say the war hero wasn’t someone he didn’t admire to this day, but it had been different back then. on hot summers, Kent had taken Sam to the desert, something about seeing the oasis at its peak; a few times, Sebastian had turned up at their house in time to tag along. the early morning had a chill to the air that made the way they snuck into Kent’s car quietly as to not wake the neighbors feel like a secret, but he had always regretted taking his hoodie once the sun came up.<br/>
looking back on it, Sebastian can tell Kent had pitied him in the way good fathers always feel bad for lost sons   --   though it was many years until Sebastian had started going by Sebastian and would’ve been seen as a son instead of a daughter, it was basically all the same. during festivals Sebastian had preferred sitting at Sam’s table instead of his own family’s; Jodi made sure there was room and smiled apologetically at Robin across the way   --   the redhead never really seemed to mind.<br/>
Kent was a good man and Jodi was an equally good woman for making space in her family for him over the years. they were both people Sebastian had seen first hand aid in Sam’s growth (and he had always thought Sam was a significantly better person than he was). though of course when Kent had left for the war, both of them a little too young to really know what was going on, it had thrust that man-of-the-house role on Sam ...<br/>
Sebastian, now a man himself with a child on the way, can appreciate the family dynamics that had surrounded him his whole life with a severeness he never expected. in the midst of it, feeling ostracized by his own family, it hadn’t occurred to him how anyone else in the situation may have felt   --   how lonely Maru must’ve been growing up without her brother, how burdened Jodi may have felt, having to call Robin on the nights Sebastian refused to go home in favor of sleeping on her couch, how snubbed, even, Vincent may have felt and may still feel at the unexpected sibling-like presence he had created in a household already strained by the absence of Kent.<br/>
bitterly, now, Sebastian sees all this and wonders if looking for advice would even be welcomed   --   how anyone involved in his raising can stand the sight of him.<br/>
--   Sebastian exits the house in a hurry, shrugging on his hoodie at the last second, a cigarette dangling from his lips even though he’s well aware he had promised Izzy a smoke-free household for the child. with so much anxiety on his mind, it was a moment until he realized someone had been walking down the path towards their front door; dark eyes adjusting to the light, Sebastian recognizes Jodi behind a box balanced on her outstretched hands.<br/>
“Jodi?” he questions, wondering if maybe he’s just seeing things from having stayed inside with his thoughts for too long   --   but soon she’s close enough to be waving, before realizing that’s an awful idea and catching the teetering box last second. Sebastian rushes over, takes the box from her, or at least tries to; stubborn mother she is, it’s useless to try and take all the burden.<br/>
“i got off the phone with Robin last night,” she explains, a little breathless from the walk all the way out of town. the box is heavier than Sebastian would’ve thought it was, but Jodi’s bright smile doesn’t portray any discomfort. “she told me you and Isabella were looking to adopt!”<br/>
the words sound accusatory, but in a joking way, implying she’s at least slightly offended he hadn’t told her himself   --   Sebastian’s mind catches up finally and he offers a smile, standing there, half holding the mystery cardboard box between them.<br/>
“y-yeah, we’ve been going up to the city most weekends,” he hadn’t realized how extensive the adoption process would be, it was taking quite sometime and they hadn’t even really settled on a kid yet. “nothing’s ... really final yet,” Sebastian meanders, glances down at the box; the lid folded in on itself in that complicated way he never really learned how to do. he’s curious for what’s inside but more taken aback by the sudden conversation to bother asking. “but yeah, we’re looking.” he finished, looking back up with a squinting smile.<br/>
“oh that’s so wonderful!” Jodi exclaims, an arm attempting to reach over for some awkward hug around the box that makes Sebastian cringe inwardly. “when Robin told me, i immediately started putting together all of Sam and Vincent’s old stuff,” Jodi starts putting the box on the ground and the gears in Sebastian’s head click   --   oh.<br/>
“just some old clothes,” she continues, kneeling on the ground despite the dirt. again, she’s betraying no discomfort, but from this angle the grey in her hair is more visible. Jodi pulls out tiny baby shirts, toddler jeans, mini sun hats   --   she’s glowing as she holds up a shirt Sebastian vaguely remembers, black with his favorite childhood cartoon hero on the front; “i even found some things you must’ve left at the house when you were younger!” Jodi giggles and the band around Sebastian’s heart snaps.<br/>
“i’m sorry,” he gasps, having fallen on his knees next to the woman who had a big hand in raising him. his arms had reached out of their own accord   --   for once he’s hugging someone unprovoked, without much thought having gone into the action. Jodi’s sleeve goes damp &amp; all Sebastian hears is a quiet gasp; a pause, then her own arm wraps around him.<br/>
“oh no, Sebby, what’s wrong?” her voice is so caring, Sebastian’s stomach does flips. “did i come at a bad time?” she looks around, searching for Isabella maybe, or Robin   --   someone that provoked this reaction from Sebastian because it was ridiculous to think old baby clothes could make him cry. Sebastian never cried, even when he tried riding Sam’s skateboard and wiped out so hard, Harvey had to stitch up his knee.<br/>
“-- no-nothing,” he wheezes after a few moments of trying to gather himself. he feels worse now, having exploded like that   --   the tears on his cheeks are hot and he can’t quite bring himself to look up yet. Jodi’s hand on his back is making the guilt sting;   it’s fall but he could swear he was in the desert again. “i was,” Sebastian sniffles, lets go of Jodi’s shirt to use his own sleeve against his face. “i had just been thinking about you and Kent,” he explains before clearing his throat, voice soft like he was no older than thirteen again.<br/>
Jodi tilts her head, confused, thinning brows knitted making the wrinkles on her skin more present.<br/>
“with the adoption process,” Sebastian continues, well aware his explanation isn’t making much sense. he keeps his sleeve against his face, as though hiding his expression helped get the words out, though he’s still unable to meet Jodi’s eyes. “i ... i was thinking about you guys, how i spent so much time there,” he gestures vaguely to the direction of Jodi’s house. “growing up.” Sebastian’s voice cracks and it really does feel like he’s just a kid again   --   the unevenness of his tone betraying a natural register he’s spent years avoiding.<br/>
“oh, Sebby,” Jodi realizes where he’s going with it all and smiles kindly. she reaches forward, pushes his hair back and then lets it rest on the side of his head. though she can’t see much of his face at the moment, she knows what it looks like   --   vaguely like Robin in the shape of his eyes but more so like a man she had never met (Robin had showed her pictures one night, wine drunk, years ago at her kitchen table when the she had just moved into the valley   --   Jodi never really got the image of such a dark aura of a man standing next to Robin’s brilliant glow out of her head).<br/>
Jodi’s a woman well acquainted with grief and guilt   --   she’s seen this same apprehension on Sam’s face;   men growing up, she’ll attribute it to. men growing up without much of a mold to fit oneself into. Sebastian had always been much more lost than Sam, much more complicated than Sam, but she can tell they felt the same depth on this issue.<br/>
“i don’t think Sam ever expressed this to you,” Jodi pieces her words together simply, like a bird-song poem. it never seemed like she thought about anything too deeply, until she spoke   --   the trait always took Sebastian aback. “but i think he really appreciated having a brother close to his age growing up.” she pauses, makes sure she has his eyes because Sebastian had a habit of staring you down without really listening to what you were saying   --   and Jodi knew that.<br/>
“and i enjoyed having another son around the house after Kent went away.”<br/>
the words washed over him with a relief he hadn’t expected, then again none of this was really expected. the hot tears started pouring down his cheeks again   --   it’s a moment of Sebastian pulling his shoulders in and trying desperately to dismiss them with hands covered by his sleeves. it’s another moment of Jodi shushing him, wrapping both arms around him then and making sure someone was there to hold him through these growing pains.</p>
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